Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
