I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
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