I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
