I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
