I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
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