hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize