I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
