I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
