Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
He did a backflip because drugs
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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