That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Randomize
