We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
