I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
