forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
