She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
wanna go halves on a baby?
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
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