you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
