dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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