You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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