I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
