T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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