The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
