And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
