Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
