Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
