please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Barsexuality is the new black.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
