It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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