Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
