i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
