Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
