I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
my liver is dry heaving
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
