do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
