just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
