oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
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