jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
this boner is exhausting
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
