You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
