remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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