Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Randomize
