hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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