I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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