Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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