so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
