i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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