i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
