every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
