I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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