You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
