Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
