The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
