you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
