I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
