What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
