My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize