sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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