I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I wish I only lived at night.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
