I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Randomize
