She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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