I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
