you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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