ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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