I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
