You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
