You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
