So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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