i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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