I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Oh god it's open bar.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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