I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
