He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
