can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
