Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
