I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
