I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
