I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
