I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
