After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
